It's Been Too Long

It has indeed been too long since I have written. That in and of itself is a wonder to me. I always used to find the time to make sure that everything was up to date and in the right place and such...now...homework calls out to me and if I don't answer it, I will fail. I'm not one that is too keen on failure, so I won't let it win.
Times are changing. I finished yet another journal last night. It's like closing another chapeter of my life. April to October, and everything that happened within. I am a completely different person now than when I started writing that journal. I would hope to say that after I finish each journal, and in some cases it is true. But this one in particular is something that has changed my life. I have been keeping a journal since 1999, so I could get my thoughts out of my head and onto paper. It keeps me sane. But, another chapter is over and another one is beginning. Isn't that the scheme of life?

the bane...reading

What in the world is going on? I don't think that anyone is supposed to have to read this much in their entire life. I understand that reading is important and intellectual people all do it and do a lot of it. But still, I just don't enjoy it. People tell me that is funny because I am an English major. But the English language is also written and spoken. I am more concerned with that? Does that sound like a contradiction? It might be. But still. I just don't like it. I like to write things out and I like to talk things through but I just don't like to read it all. And of course, I am having to read five books at the same time and that is less than fun. It actually is more than freaking me out. I have been holding fast that I don't stress out about things that I am passionate about. I had such an easy going summer. But now, I am starting to hit that place. That ugly ugly place where stress seems to find it's way in and won't go away. I have had to let it out through the water seeping from my eyes so that I can just cleanse it all out, and I am not ashamed to say it. And, my world is about to become a little more cluttered. Let's just add some more things on there shall we? BUT, the difference in that is, I am actually passionate about what I am going to be adding on. Here's hoping for the best.

Katrina

Why do bad things happen? Why are so many people being displaced by the hurricane? I don't know the answer for those questions.
I am tired of hearing that the hurricane was some sort of God dealt punishment to New Orleans for it's sinful practices. If that's true, then why aren't San Francisco and New York (and Dallas for that matter) under water? That thought never even crossed my mind. It frustrates me. With all the chaos down there, the last thing they need is to hear righteously indignant Christians being pious concerning their devastation.
I heard someone compare this hurricane to the Biblical flood and Sodom and Gomorrah. That makes me sick. In New Orleans, there were churches. There were good people. Sodom and Gomorrah - there was not one moral person there. In Noah's age, his family was the only clean family. All of this won't change how Bourbon Street and the French Quarter will function in the future. Once they are cleaned out, that part of town will stand as a tribute to survival. It's not a part of the country that will lay dormant for long. Sure, it will take time to get things back to working order and the city will never be the same. But that is a place that is so rich in culture that it will blossom again.
I love the French Quarter. I absolutely love it there. It is like one big story book, telling stories that go back as far as America has been around.
We went down to the Dallas Convention Center and helped out with the evacuees that are there. They have nothing. Watching the news does not present a clear picture of what these people are going through. But when we sat there and talked with them, we could see it all. We heard their stories and their heartbreak. We heard their hope. It was unreal. This whole situation is unreal.

Being Back

Why is it that everything happens so fast? I mean, everything happens so incredibly quickly. It is all very overwhelming really. I don't really know how to deal with all of this coming at me so fast. Why God brings so much into our lives so quickly is just beyond me. I don't understand a lot of times what to do with all that comes so fast.
I miss the city. I miss it bad. Being in this small town is very...well...small. I miss the nightlife, I miss the eclectic people. I miss it all. I can't wait to get back to all of that. I miss it.
There are times in my life when I feel like I am living two lives. The life that I live away from all of this school and their rules and their convictions, and the life that I live when I am free of all of that and just able to live my life in the way that I feel I should. It's an odd feeling. I am plagued with those feelings now. I yearn for the ability to just be myself, not having to worry about rules and obligations that people put over the top of me. I am myself, I don't put up any sort of front with people. "I ain't shady and I don't front." I am just at the point in my life where I am tired of other people trying to impress on me what their personal convictions are. So...there is my soap box.

Going Back

I have returned back to Texas to go forward with another semester of schooling. Obviously, I amless than thrilled. I definately left my heart in New York City. So, we shall see what comes of this whole moving back to Texas thing. The goodbyes were incredibly hard and leaving was quite possibly the hardest thing I have had to do. I feel like I am just here visiting and that my real home is up there.

My Rent Moment

Last night, we had a fondue party on the roof. It was amazing. You know, you see scenes in movies where a group of people are all together on the rooftops of New York City, just doing whatever, but to actually do it on a nice night and just have all friends together, it was great. I felt like the RENT soundtrack should be playing behind us.
Sometimes I feel like I want music playing behind my life. Like, in a movie, when the perfect song is playing at just the right moment. Sometimes those songs fly through my head while I am doing whatever, but still. It was just amazing to all be up there and yelling and laughing and having a great time.
Also, the drama that I wrote for a team in Texas, when they went to the National Fine Arts Competition, it placed tenth in the nation. How amazing is that?! Made me feel good about that.

Pat Robertson

The comments made by Pat Robertston about assassinating foreign leaders really came as quite a shock to me. I have never supported Mr. Robertson and have been quite indifferent to the way that he chooses to broadcast his personal beliefs, but in light of what has been said...I have to say that he is further tearing apart the tattered image that people have of Christians. What that man said does not represent what all Christians believe. I do not want to see anything that he said happen. I am not really a huge fan of the war either, I just don't like wars in general. I understand that there are times when we have to go and fight and I am just glad that it's not up to me to decide when those times are. But the words that this man are saying are awful and I know that Christians all over America are grieved by what he has said. Much more than that, it makes people think that all Christians are like this and so that further gives them a cause to hate them. I can't stand that. I know what I believe and I hate it when people are out there making a public spectacle of themselves and taking their podium to push their personal convictions. That goes for anything, not just televangelists. That goes for anyone speaking out about anything. It all bugs me. Let me believe what I want and show me by the life that you live that your way is better than mine.
My heart is heavy because of all of this and when I read it online last night, I told my friends that were around that we were going to hear about it the next day. I work at a church in New York City and as a staff, we all got together this morning and prayed because things like this can tear apart people. So, no. We don't all believe the way that Mr. Robertson does. The next time that someone wants to make a spectacle of their belief system, I hope they think twice. Being called to reach out to people does you no good if all those people think that you are a certifiable murder supporter masquerading as a Christian bringing the "good news." There's nothing good about what he said.