The NYCking's blog

It's Been Too Long

2005-10-15T10:34:00.000-07:00

It has indeed been too long since I have written. That in and of itself is a wonder to me. I always used to find the time to make sure that everything was up to date and in the right place and such...now...homework calls out to me and if I don't answer it, I will fail. I'm not one that is too keen on failure, so I won't let it win.
Times are changing. I finished yet another journal last night. It's like closing another chapeter of my life. April to October, and everything that happened within. I am a completely different person now than when I started writing that journal. I would hope to say that after I finish each journal, and in some cases it is true. But this one in particular is something that has changed my life. I have been keeping a journal since 1999, so I could get my thoughts out of my head and onto paper. It keeps me sane. But, another chapter is over and another one is beginning. Isn't that the scheme of life?

the bane...reading

2005-09-17T14:57:00.000-07:00

What in the world is going on? I don't think that anyone is supposed to have to read this much in their entire life. I understand that reading is important and intellectual people all do it and do a lot of it. But still, I just don't enjoy it. People tell me that is funny because I am an English major. But the English language is also written and spoken. I am more concerned with that? Does that sound like a contradiction? It might be. But still. I just don't like it. I like to write things out and I like to talk things through but I just don't like to read it all. And of course, I am having to read five books at the same time and that is less than fun. It actually is more than freaking me out. I have been holding fast that I don't stress out about things that I am passionate about. I had such an easy going summer. But now, I am starting to hit that place. That ugly ugly place where stress seems to find it's way in and won't go away. I have had to let it out through the water seeping from my eyes so that I can just cleanse it all out, and I am not ashamed to say it. And, my world is about to become a little more cluttered. Let's just add some more things on there shall we? BUT, the difference in that is, I am actually passionate about what I am going to be adding on. Here's hoping for the best.

Katrina

2005-09-07T10:36:00.000-07:00

Why do bad things happen? Why are so many people being displaced by the hurricane? I don't know the answer for those questions.
I am tired of hearing that the hurricane was some sort of God dealt punishment to New Orleans for it's sinful practices. If that's true, then why aren't San Francisco and New York (and Dallas for that matter) under water? That thought never even crossed my mind. It frustrates me. With all the chaos down there, the last thing they need is to hear righteously indignant Christians being pious concerning their devastation.
I heard someone compare this hurricane to the Biblical flood and Sodom and Gomorrah. That makes me sick. In New Orleans, there were churches. There were good people. Sodom and Gomorrah - there was not one moral person there. In Noah's age, his family was the only clean family. All of this won't change how Bourbon Street and the French Quarter will function in the future. Once they are cleaned out, that part of town will stand as a tribute to survival. It's not a part of the country that will lay dormant for long. Sure, it will take time to get things back to working order and the city will never be the same. But that is a place that is so rich in culture that it will blossom again.
I love the French Quarter. I absolutely love it there. It is like one big story book, telling stories that go back as far as America has been around.
We went down to the Dallas Convention Center and helped out with the evacuees that are there. They have nothing. Watching the news does not present a clear picture of what these people are going through. But when we sat there and talked with them, we could see it all. We heard their stories and their heartbreak. We heard their hope. It was unreal. This whole situation is unreal.

Being Back

2005-08-30T14:00:00.000-07:00

Why is it that everything happens so fast? I mean, everything happens so incredibly quickly. It is all very overwhelming really. I don't really know how to deal with all of this coming at me so fast. Why God brings so much into our lives so quickly is just beyond me. I don't understand a lot of times what to do with all that comes so fast.
I miss the city. I miss it bad. Being in this small town is very...well...small. I miss the nightlife, I miss the eclectic people. I miss it all. I can't wait to get back to all of that. I miss it.
There are times in my life when I feel like I am living two lives. The life that I live away from all of this school and their rules and their convictions, and the life that I live when I am free of all of that and just able to live my life in the way that I feel I should. It's an odd feeling. I am plagued with those feelings now. I yearn for the ability to just be myself, not having to worry about rules and obligations that people put over the top of me. I am myself, I don't put up any sort of front with people. "I ain't shady and I don't front." I am just at the point in my life where I am tired of other people trying to impress on me what their personal convictions are. So...there is my soap box.

Going Back

2005-08-27T13:43:00.000-07:00

I have returned back to Texas to go forward with another semester of schooling. Obviously, I amless than thrilled. I definately left my heart in New York City. So, we shall see what comes of this whole moving back to Texas thing. The goodbyes were incredibly hard and leaving was quite possibly the hardest thing I have had to do. I feel like I am just here visiting and that my real home is up there.

My Rent Moment

2005-08-25T11:26:00.000-07:00

Last night, we had a fondue party on the roof. It was amazing. You know, you see scenes in movies where a group of people are all together on the rooftops of New York City, just doing whatever, but to actually do it on a nice night and just have all friends together, it was great. I felt like the RENT soundtrack should be playing behind us.
Sometimes I feel like I want music playing behind my life. Like, in a movie, when the perfect song is playing at just the right moment. Sometimes those songs fly through my head while I am doing whatever, but still. It was just amazing to all be up there and yelling and laughing and having a great time.
Also, the drama that I wrote for a team in Texas, when they went to the National Fine Arts Competition, it placed tenth in the nation. How amazing is that?! Made me feel good about that.

Pat Robertson

2005-08-24T07:19:00.000-07:00

The comments made by Pat Robertston about assassinating foreign leaders really came as quite a shock to me. I have never supported Mr. Robertson and have been quite indifferent to the way that he chooses to broadcast his personal beliefs, but in light of what has been said...I have to say that he is further tearing apart the tattered image that people have of Christians. What that man said does not represent what all Christians believe. I do not want to see anything that he said happen. I am not really a huge fan of the war either, I just don't like wars in general. I understand that there are times when we have to go and fight and I am just glad that it's not up to me to decide when those times are. But the words that this man are saying are awful and I know that Christians all over America are grieved by what he has said. Much more than that, it makes people think that all Christians are like this and so that further gives them a cause to hate them. I can't stand that. I know what I believe and I hate it when people are out there making a public spectacle of themselves and taking their podium to push their personal convictions. That goes for anything, not just televangelists. That goes for anyone speaking out about anything. It all bugs me. Let me believe what I want and show me by the life that you live that your way is better than mine.
My heart is heavy because of all of this and when I read it online last night, I told my friends that were around that we were going to hear about it the next day. I work at a church in New York City and as a staff, we all got together this morning and prayed because things like this can tear apart people. So, no. We don't all believe the way that Mr. Robertson does. The next time that someone wants to make a spectacle of their belief system, I hope they think twice. Being called to reach out to people does you no good if all those people think that you are a certifiable murder supporter masquerading as a Christian bringing the "good news." There's nothing good about what he said.

My Getaway

2005-08-23T14:01:00.000-07:00

I know that I have seen a lot of shows on Broadway. But I haven't seen anything like The Lion King. It was so completely amazing to me. I was in total awe of everything. The opening was just almost too much to take, it was all just so great. Just the costuming and the way that they did everything was so cool. I am so glad that I bookended this experience with Wicked at the beginning and The Lion King at the end. It was a great way to do it.
And then I got to spend the weekend at the lake with my friends and that was amazing as well. It really was a fantastic trip. There is something about getting away from normality of everything with people that you are friends with and just being alone. It really is great.
I know that I have said the word great a hundred times in this, but that is how I feel. It has been a really great weekend.

All Shook Up

2005-08-20T08:27:00.000-07:00

I am going to be honest. Of all of the shows that I have seen here in NYC, one stands out. Yes, Wicked is amazing for the spectacle and it's the best show that I've seen. But my favorite still is All Shook Up. I have actually seen it more than once and I am a bit embarassed to actually say how many times I have seen it, so I won't, but it's more than once. The energy in that place last night was amazing, there weren't any understudies, people were dancing in front of their seats during the curtain call...I had a great seat in the orchestra. It was fantastic.
I ran into an old high school friend yesturday in the middle of Times Square as well. How odd is that? And I love meeting new people and so meeting her friends was fun. Good people. It was an extremely wonderful surprise.

My NYC Peeps

2005-08-16T13:11:00.000-07:00

Raining Intimidation

2005-08-16T12:52:00.000-07:00

Intimidation. It is something that I felt like crazy today. I am not really sure why though. I was just looking at a bunch of stuff online today and some things that I get to do when I get home and such, and I just felt very intimidated. It is an odd feeling because usually, I am head strong enough to not have that issue. Anxiety...perhaps sometimes. Stress...not likely but possible. But to feel absolutely intimidated by things and people is something new all together. You would think that moving up to New York City by myself, living here, and being successful here would provide me with a tough enough skin that I shouldn't have to worry about such things anymore. But none the less, I have that nervous feeling in my shoulder (it is equal to butterflies in your stomach, only it happens in my right shoulder), and I felt like I was lowly, compared to different people and things. I know I am being quite vague, but I would rather be vague right now. I am just going to have to learn to tough it up and be myself. I am a strong person, there isn't any doubt about it. Although I have allowed myself to soften a lot and further grow up into the guy that I know I should be, I still have areas, but don't we all? It's alright though.
Can I tell you the most fun thing that I have done in weeks? Sunday night, after service, there was a group of us hanging out in our building and it was pouring down rain. It hasn't poured like that since I have been here. And on an impulse, we all ended up outside in the alley between our building and the church, standing in the pouring rain, dumping buckets of water on each other, and basically acting like we were 12 years old. There was just something incredibly freeing about it. For an hour or so, 10 twenty-somethings played in the rain, in the middle of midtown Manhattan, in the middle of the night. Just letting yourself go and have a good time and dance and yell and get soaked to the core...it was amazing. It was the kind of experience people talk about, but very few actually allow themselves to step outside of their roles as "grown ups" and be free. Being free is the best way to be.

Free

2005-08-15T09:13:00.000-07:00

I have spent a lot of time down in the Village and I have to say, I really appreciate the way that people are free to be the person that they have created themselves to be. I don't mean anything negative by that, I just mean that if people want to be gay, straight, goth, Christian, drunk, indie...whatever, they can be. As much as I might not agree with everything that everyone does down there, I can at least admire the fact that they do what they do openly and freely, untouched by the legalism that seems to invade the rest of the states.
At least where I come from at least, legalism seems to run rampant. The south is great, don't get me wrong, but there is just something about it that seems restricting. I grew up in a Christian home and I know what I believe, apart from growing up in it, I have searched things out and figured out what I know is true. But there are so many people in so many churches that are so legalistic in the ways that they conduct their lives and make other people feel like they have to conduct their lives in the same way. I just feel like we all have our own convictions...leave it alone.
But again, that is why I enjoy the Village so much. It's just free to do what you want to do. And that is terribly freeing.

What Produced my distraction?

2005-08-13T08:43:00.000-07:00

So, I went and saw The Producers last night and it was quite funny. I definately like a spectacle show better than the way that they did this show. It is more of an old school musical and that's fine. But I like the amazement of The Phantom or of Wicked. But, what was most distracting is that I was sitting next to the most terrifyingly beautiful human being I think I have ever come in contact with. It was quite frightening. In my head, I'm going...I didn't know that they made them like you and put you in the real world. I mean, they have to be on a magazine spread somewhere. It was just quite interesting. Not that I was full of lust or anything, but still...I like to look at beautiful people. But all in all, the show was good and funny.

my Beast of an Alarm

2005-08-12T06:52:00.000-07:00

Why is it that my alarm continues to not go off? I set it, I check it, I check it again and for some reason it won't go off. I love my Sidekick and I will never go back to a regular phone again, but the alarm just isn't working for me. I am going to have to actually use an alarm clock and that is slightly disturbing. Perhaps I was having the best dream ever and I didn't want it to end...I don't know.
I hung out with my friend that's in Beauty and the Beast last night after the show. I had to take something to him so I walked with him and we just talked. He's such an amazing, down to earth guy and as corny as this my sound, he's a great role model for someone like myself. He loves his wife, loves his kids, lives right, and is talented and followed his dreams. That's how it should be.

Bodies of Work

2005-08-11T13:51:00.000-07:00

I went down to Central Park today and we were actually doing devotions, but I was distracted and I was looking around at all the hard bodies. I mean, I feel the best now that I have ever felt, but still, everyone can improve right? It feels good to get checked out on the street, I am not going to lie and try to be super-spiritual and say that it doesn't, but I still want to look better. It might be a bit selfish and self indulgent, but still. I don't know that I care that much.
I have almost finished writing another script and I have one more to complete before school starts up again. I am working hard at getting that done. There is just such a feeling of accomplishment when I finally finish a script that I have been meditating and working on for so long. It's a wonderful feeling of completion. That must be what God felt when He was done doing His thing. Wonderful completion.

2005-08-11T13:45:00.000-07:00

The First Entry

2005-08-11T13:35:00.000-07:00

I have finally decided to jump on board with the blogging stuff. I have stayed away from it for a reason and now I am going to just jump in. This weekend I am going to see a Broadway show most likely and then go down to the Village and see if I can't find some interesting people. I just love going down there and seeing everyone being completely uninhibited in the life that they have created for themselves.
"So...this is my blog..." - Pheobe